…into the fog

HA

Ξ December 31st, 2007 | → 0 Comments | ∇ Uncategorized |

Nice try, bud. Fogism is virus free and you’re SOL. Go play somewhere else, little boy.

New Year’s Stuff

Ξ December 31st, 2007 | → 0 Comments | ∇ Uncategorized |

Today is New Year’s Eve. What we do on this day is a whole lot of nothing. We all schlepp around the house in our comfies, munching on a veggie tray, popcorn, cookies and whatever other munchable crap we have out. We play games, watch movies - or the Twilight Zone marathon, if it’s on - and this year, we’ve added Synchronized Sneezing to our daily plan.

The one thing we do that’s superstitio- I mean, tradition, is open the house doors at midnight.

The idea is to usher the old year out the back door, while welcoming the new year in the front door. This idea came from my sister, who now makes fun of me for it.

The first year we did it, we were living in a house with my sister and we also had a roommate who had two dogs. Neither of whom ever showed an interest in escaping, so we didn’t pen them into the dog run before we did this. I’m sure you see where this is going. It was the chow who saw his opening, darted into the house at exactly midnight from the back yard, and ran straight out the front door.

Not only did he drag the old year back into the house in his fur, he also belonged to our roomie, who, while being a nice guy, was not all that overburdened with imagination. Can you imagine the conversation?

“Where’s the other dog?”

“Well, see…..”

“Okay, wait. Let me make sure I got this: you opened the doors to let all the bad juju out, and the dog ran out, too?”

“Well, yes….we did try to find him, though.”

“You were worried about……..juju…..and you lost my dog.”

“Well, he’s a big dog. He bowled us over on his way out. We really did try to stop him, though. Besides, he dragged all the old juju back inside. Now we have a house full of last year’s juju. And maybe it’s a sign, did you think of that?”

“A sign?”

“Well, we were letting out the bad juju and he ran out, too. A sign!”

Not surprisingly, he didn’t buy it. Fortunately, the dog, who was wearing one of those cone things around his head wasn’t hard to spot, so we were getting calls and notes from the neighbors who’d seen him in the vicinity for days. Nobody would approach him because….intact male chow. Wearing a lampshade like a refugee from a wild party. I wouldn’t approach, either. He did finally come home on his own after a few days. I opened the front door to go somewhere and found him on the doorstep. That was a bad year, though, and it was all the dog’s fault.

Now we make sure any pets in the house are corralled into a bathroom or something. Until the “Juju Ceremony” is over, which takes three people: one to open the front door (screens don’t allow free movement of juju), one to open the back door, and one to watch the television to let us know when it’s 12:01 and we can shut the damned doors and come thaw out. Then we have a toast using Martinelli’s or Welch’s sparkling cider, and go the hell to BED.

New Year’s Day, I make chili with black eyed peas in it, because I hate black eyed peas and you can’t taste them in the chili. One day of good luck per. And then I’m stuck with a gallon of leftover BEP chili, because nobody ever eats all of it. This year, Randy is going to attempt to make cornbread in the breadmaker. The last time we used that, for some reason, the bread didn’t rise and we ended up with a 10-lb brick. I finally took it outside and tore it into little pieces for the birds. Randy was not comforted by the news that the birds and rabbits enjoyed it very much.

So at midnight, we’ll lock up the cat, open the doors and put DaBoy in charge of letting us know when it’s midnight and when a minute has passed. Then we’ll toast the year, go to bed and tomorrow we’ll all eat the chili, pretending that it wouldn’t be a lot better without the BEP in it. Happy New Year!

Hidden

Ξ December 28th, 2007 | → 2 Comments | ∇ Uncategorized |

That’s me. I’m hidden. From the cat, from the snowshovel, and there’s something on Randy’s desk that is making an ungodly, high-pitched whine that would call dogs if it were loud enough.

It’s been snowing all night, so most of my neighbors have already snowblown or shoveled their driveways and the sidewalks. My neighbors on either side actually came all the way to the edge of my driveway on the sidewalk, which is really nice, since I have to go out there and do the damned job myself. Randy’s out of town so I can’t convince him to do it. The neighbors to the right have never gone that far before; normally, they use their snowblower and go exactly, precisely, must’ve-used-a-slide-rule to the property line. But today, they came all the way to the driveway, which will save me probably thirty feet of shoveling. Nice! My neighbors on the other side actually did the same thing, which we both kind of do; there’s only about five feet between their driveway and our property line, so it’s no biggie for us. There is, however, quite a bit more work for them, so that was really nice, too.

The reason I’m hiding is because it’s still snowing, even though the sun keeps peeking out. I am way too lazy to go out there and do this TWICE. Also, the trash truck hasn’t come by yet, nor has the mail. I’m waiting until I can do it all in one trip. Lazy.

The cat is indignant. Because both Randy and DaBoy are out of town, so it’s just me and him. And I’m hiding because he’s all covered with black catfur that he wants desperately to decorate my clothes with, plus he’s yelling at me to sit down so he can sneak up behind me and try to eat my hair. I’ve never figured out what it is about my hair that he finds irresistable, but he’s a cat. Go figure.

I also have my music blaring to try and cover up whatever it is dying loudly and obnoxiously on Randy’s desk. I think it’s the router or the switch, so I kinda hope it holds out until he gets home with a new one.

Ohhh, pretty! The sun is out again, and the wind just blew snowdust filled with sparkles past the window. It’s like being inside a snowglobe - except those don’t usually play “Living Dead Girl” by Rob Zombie. Hee.

So, anyway. I should be shoveling snow. I should be doing laundry. I should be doing the floors. I did clean up the kitchen, but of course, now it’s time for lunch.

But instead, I’m hiding. Think I’ll go find a good book and hide with it.

Today……

Ξ December 22nd, 2007 | → 3 Comments | ∇ Uncategorized |

We are going to the store.

I mention this not because it’s unusual, but because it may well be my last post outside of prison.

It’s the weekend before Christmas. It’s also a day when we are supposed to get anywhere between 4 and 8 inches of snow with blizzard winds. Oh, and sleet. This means that everyone in the city will be at the store.

I have a list that is a page and a half long because I haven’t been able to get Randy to agree to go until now. I am out of EVERYTHING and it just can’t be put off any longer. Especially since I was a squirrel in a previous life; when the weather gets bad, I nest. Shiny things attract me. I like to hibernate. If we didn’t have to attempt to take DaBoy halfway to Omaha today, I’d be perfectly happy. I have to say, though, that it doesn’t look likely.

Last night, our forecaster predicted between one and eight inches of snow for today. How’s that for vague? At least he admitted it.

The last two days have been really foggy, which was tres cool. But now the wind has kicked up; we can only rush out in our dirty clothes - laundry soap is one of the things I ran out of - and try to get safely back here before stuff starts falling out of the sky.

Ah, winter. (I just typoed that as “whiner”, hee!)

Baby Love

Ξ December 20th, 2007 | → 3 Comments | ∇ Uncategorized |

My sister in law had her first baby the other day. Because of potential problems - and because it’s her first - when the phone calls started at 5:00 AM, we rushed out there to visit. We left the house at 7:30, picked up DaBoy at school and headed to Omaha.

After dropping DaBoy off at his dad’s house, we drove halfway across Omaha to the hospital. By the time we got there, it was all over and little Miss Jane Doe was already in the world. I walked into the room just as she was getting her first diaper change and all wrapped up like a baby-burrito and then I got to hold her. Mmmm, baby-snuggles. Just in case I needed a fix, I got one.

Newborns are such fun to hold, even when they’re sleeping. I discovered that even after 14+ years, that whole “rocking-while-holding-baby” thing comes right back, like riding a bicycle. Even more funny, Randy was rocking in tandem with me, although he never so much as touched the baby. They break, you know. Besides, I don’t think he’s ever gotten over the emotional trauma of the time when DaBoy was a few weeks old; Randy was holding him while not wearing a shirt, DaBoy saw a nipple and latched on, to the eternal shock and amazement of both. Randy was shocked because he didn’t realize until that moment just how much it can hurt; DaBoy was amazed because there he was, all latched on perfectly, and the only thing he got was a whole lot of noise instead of dinner. I had to separate them. Which was difficult because I was doubled over howling. I never claimed to be a nice person.

So, anyway, Jane Doe. She was dreaming while I was holding her. What do newborns dream about? She was also sucking her bottom lip, which was positively adorable. The lip and the fact that she had it tucked away in her mouth. Gazillions of pictures were taken, probably half while I was holding her. If you were to look at the photos, you’d be hard-pressed to tell exactly who the mother is - except that I wasn’t the one wearing a hospital gown, hee. I got the fun part: baby snuggles and no pain, discomfort, or having my raiment falling off my shoulders, threatening to expose my upper half to the room at large.

After a while, we left, hoping they’d be able to get some sleep. Well, the new mom, anyway. Jane Doe had already proved that she could sleep through being manhandled - it’s amazing how delicate we are and how not-so-delicate the nurses are with babies - people in and out, talking and hundreds (literally) of flashes going off in her sleeping little face.

I made Randy take me to a restaurant that we don’t have where we live, then after eating, we went to visit Randy’s G-pa. Who wasn’t home, but by then my father-in-law was there. We chatted, Randy worked on G-pa’s computer and my FIL showed me how to hand-feed this mostly tame squirrel they have hanging around. So, I obediently took a brazil nut out onto the deck and stood there holding it while this squirrel decided if she wanted the nut more than she wanted to stay away from me. Eventually, the lure of the nut got too good to her - it IS winter, after all - so she came over, stretched out as flat as she could, and nibbled at the nut in my fingers. It fell onto the deck rail, but, nothing daunted, she jumped a bit, then decided to nibble my finger. This is when the deal ended; I need my fingers. I also do not need rabies shots. So I pulled away, she seemed to shrug philosophically, and took the dropped nut to her nest in the tree.

G-pa came home shortly after that and we all had a nice chat until Randy finished with the computer. Since I’d unceremoniously dumped our offspring on his father about six hours before, we decided to make one more stop at the hospital, then go pick up DaBoy and head home. School night, you know.

When we got back to the hospital, they’d moved SIL out of the delivery room and into an actual room. I got to do more baby snuggling, but was routed by the appearance of the new G-ma. Her youngest is about three, I think. I haven’t actually seen him since he was only a few months old, but that didn’t faze him at all. When they came in, I was sitting in a rocker holding the baby. I passed her off to her G-ma, and my lap was promptly taken over by the new little uncle. Who had no idea or concern about why we were all there; he evidently figured that if his new baby niece was comfortable in my lap, he and Tigger would be, too. Which was fine with me, he is also adorable. The child, not Tigger. Well…..Tigger, too, now that I think of it.

Shortly after that, the new Great G-parents arrived for the first time, the new father came in, and the room just isn’t all that big. Besides, we had to get DaBoy, get him home and fed. So we headed out.

By the time we got home, DaBoy was asleep, didn’t wake up noticably even while eating a bowl of cereal, and yawned his way to bed.

All in all, it was an exhausting but worth-while trip. We’re both glad we went!