Reflection
Ξ June 29th, 2009 | → | ∇ Uncategorized |
This time last year, things were going well for us. We were living in a nice neighborhood with nice neighbors. Everybody mowed their lawns at least once a week; each weekend was kind of a race to see who could get out there with the mower first. After it snowed, within minutes of the end of the snowstorm, everyone was out there shoveling driveways and helping others who weren’t home from work yet or couldn’t manage to shovel their own driveway. People took care of their property, they were quiet and polite. Randy had a dream job: working for an R&D lab, and being paid an almost obscene amount of money with little or no stress. Even the guys he worked with were a lot of fun. DaBoy was going to one of the best schools in the best district in the state, and doing well. He had friends who were nice kids, who spent their free time playing basketball, baseball and video games. I was making friends, slowly to be sure, with the other SAHMs in the area in spite of the fact that I had nothing in common with them: my husband was a computer nerd instead of a realtor or lawyer. My son played football rather than basketball or track. I don’t garden, bake for fun or consider my kitchen floor to be a reflection on my abilities as a good SAHM, but in spite of that, I was accepted.
And then the earth fell away from beneath our feet.
It started in July; the paychecks at Randy’s work started being delayed. There was always a good reason, good communication, and at the very least, they weren’t writing rubber checks and letting the guys find out about it too late. We talked about him finding another job, but frankly, he was happy there. It was worth it to us for him to stay, hoping things would even out. But they didn’t.
Late July/August: DaBoy was staying at his father’s house for his summer visitation. Randy and I were both trying to find other jobs, even though he was still employed. The jobs just weren’t there. Randy and I had been living on whatever food was in the freezer, making meals out of almost nothing at all (Mom, did I ever thank you enough for that crockpot??) and praying that the “deals” the CEO kept raving about would finally come through. But something always went wrong; the deals/loans/buyouts always seemed to fall apart in the eleventh hour. We started borrowing money from relatives to keep the utilities on and buy food. I arranged for DaBoy to stay with his father longer, even though school was about to start: we couldn’t bring him home if we couldn’t feed him. And may you never hear the following from your child: “But, mom, I really want to come home. It’s okay, I can eat light!”
Late August/September: After nobody had been paid for six weeks, the CEO disappeared with his lover and over 2 million dollars in payroll. That was just before we discovered that the medical insurance premiums hadn’t been paid in over 2 months, the policies had lapsed, and we were responsible for all the bills. The last thing he did before vanishing was lay everyone off.
There was no hope of getting that money; all the people who worked there were out in a depressed, specialized market competing with each other and we not only had rent, but a mortgage to worry about. A few weeks later, Randy got hired at another company. We cried with relief and started calling all our creditors to make payment arrangements. They call those “promises”, by the way, and they are legally binding. Then, three days after he started, he was told his services were no longer required. It seems that he’d only been hired to prove a point to upper management about the impossibility of the demands placed on the department. Once that point was made, they didn’t need (and couldn’t afford) Randy anymore.
Back into freefall we went, only then we had made all those “promise to pay” calls - and everyone was more than happy to cut off utilities, start legal procedings, and hound us with several phone calls a day per collection agency. Randy was able to get unemployment, but it was only a fraction of what he’d been making, and with all the overdue bills, each check barely made a dent. The landlords started forcing their way into the house, bringing potential buyers with them, which meant the house had to be ready to show at a moment’s notice: an additional pressure we didn’t need. But the law was on their side; they could have thrown us out 24 hours after the rent was officially late. AND had the police do it, AND kept all of our belongings as well as the security deposit. They were doing us a favor.
October: The land contract sale of our Omaha house fell through. The buyers’ bank went under, leaving them out all the money they’d spent on the house and forcing us to foreclose on them. We had no choice; we’d been counting on the profit from the sale to pay the rent up to current, get the bills caught up and give us some breathing space to find work. Without that sale, we were left with nothing and nowhere to turn. We retook possession and moved back here. The security deposit for the rental house in Iowa paid for the one month’s rent we were in arrears, we left it spotless and managed to end our relationship with our landlords on equitable terms. I’m sure they were as relieved as we were.
And so here we are. Back in a neighborhood where most people seem to believe that everyone enjoys their music, no matter how loud or what time it is; that nobody minds when it’s 5 AM and someone is sitting in the car laying on the horn to let their passenger know it’s time to leave for work and that parties on the porch should go from dusk to dawn, and who is sleeping, anyway? Most people can’t be bothered to tend their lawns, pick up their trash, quiet a party in the wee hours of the morning, and everyone else’s belongings are only still in the possession of the rightful owners because nobody wants to steal it badly enough. Graffiti is decoration, to be cherished by the owner of the garage/retaining wall/building so annointed; police are a nicety that the city provides for show just to keep federal funding; and above all, the streets are privately owned by whomever drives the most aggressively.
But.
We have our beautiful house back. DaBoy is living in the same city with his father and half brother. Randy is living in the same city with his family, and has a newfound appreciation for them. Not because he lost his job, but because we lived so far away from them. He is back working for his old, best boss; for a lot less money, but it’s an income. Our friends were happy to see us come back, but sorry that it was under those circumstances. We used some of the equity in the house to pay the bills and pay off the car, and even though we don’t have much money left over at the end of the month, it’s fun to use what we do have to do things to our very own house.
Randy’s stress is back, but with it comes a measure of security. I’m no longer in the Gossiping, Baking Housewives club, but I also know that nobody is talking about my family’s laziness in not getting outside to weed the yard until NOON last Saturday and asking each other if they’ve ever seen us at church. DaBoy has fewer friends, but the ones he does have seem to be more…I don’t know…*real* in some way. Less like Eddie Haskell and more like Dennis The Menace.
We’ve come full circle from being here to moving to Upper Class Snootiness, back to here again (even though we weren’t snooty). We’re still a strong family unit, we’re healthy, we’re happy. And I guess, we’re tempered. We worked very hard to get that kind of lifestyle, but in so doing, we lost sight of what we’ve had all along. I think it’s human nature to be constantly grasping for something better and ignoring what you already have, but losing almost everything makes you appreciate it more.
We look back all the time, wondering what we could have done differently. What choices we could have made, what decisions turned out to be wrong, what actions we took that put us on the wrong path. You know what we find? Nothing. The choices, the decisions - those were the only ones we could have made at the time. The actions we took were the only ones available to us at the time. We took what we could, we made the most of it, and still ended up losing the round.
Funny. When we left the 40k per year salary range, this neighborhood and all the trouble that comes with it, we were so happy. Then we crashed and we’re right back where we started - and we’re happy. Go figure.
on June 30th, 2009 at 9:40 am
Oh! I forgot to say, the people that had our house? The first, and I mean literally FIRST thing they did was pull the carpeting off the wall. LOL!
on July 1st, 2009 at 7:42 am
I’m glad you’re happy back in the same old house. I keep thinking about the people out there who get stuck in the position you all were in, or similiar to it, who don’t have options when the time comes. You are so lucky to be where you are now.
on July 15th, 2009 at 11:54 am
And it’s how you were raised - when you were a kid and life gave us lemons, we didn’t settle for simply lemonade, we made lemon meringue pie. I’m so proud of you for learning life’s lesson (be happy-anyway) and surviving circumstances that might have destroyed some people, and in the end -doing it with STYLE. That’s My Girl!!
on July 23rd, 2009 at 7:08 am
{{{{{{{{{[Mitchtress & Randy}}}}}}}}}}}
Funny how life works sometime, isn’t it?
So how does the carpetless wall look?
on July 31st, 2009 at 10:39 pm
Wierd. Odd. Bizarre. It’s kind of…plain. Truth be told, we all kind of miss it. LOL!
on January 27th, 2010 at 10:56 pm
Saw your blog bookmarked on Delicious.
on January 28th, 2010 at 10:45 am
Thanks! What is “Delicious”?